Suicide Note 3

I am a man.
This you must know with surety.
While young I fought with handfuls of gut
for glory for honor
as expression of personal power
As I got older I learned how to lead
how to plan and where the enemy would be
how to think like other men and trap them
within valleys having good lines of site
from the adjoining cliffs we would fie down on them
one time a junior officer of mine came to me and asked
how I knew the ememy would march through a particular meadow
I told him just as I am telling you
they are hungry and tired. They have been chased for three days
They have not slept and will need water in the next 2 hours
The easiest way to the water is to go along the edge of the forest
the safest route is through the trees,
but it will take 4 hours to go through the trees.
They need water too soon to be too cautious.
And so we killed them all that day in that wide open meadow.
I am writing this so you understand.
I was a thoughtful careful leader.
Not a reckless man who put the mission before everything.
We were simply out maneuvered along the flank of the hillside.
Our air support was diverted to cover an ambushed medical convoy.
They took out our howitzer threw a track trying to reposition
That sergant was useless.
I should have pulled him off the artillery piece
and replaced him with his corporal.
Still it is my fault the mortars got so close to our positions
and my fault they were not dug deep enough.
I do not take losing well. This is very personal to me.
As in feudal Japan, I am doing this not out of grief, nor shame
I am doing it out of a sense of honor that must be upheld
If I stay here, accept another post, perhaps in a rear unit
that would cause me shame I could not bare.
My men are dead so I go to lead them in heaven or in hell.
Captain Trevor Marshall US Amy Resigned