Spiritual practice should be a bright unwavering light in the darkest room.
I open my heart and see something wane, unable to cast a shadow
but in the dark, it is still discernible
it still illuminates, if only a very little
not much to place one's hope on, but something tangible, at least
let us hope for a miracle of watts
multiplying the luminosity of my soul
so I amy find my way back home
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
To Be Rescued From A Bottle
Why it is Sometimes Better not to get help when Stuck in a Bottle.
When I was 12, a very young man, I came upon a discarded brown beer bottle. When I picked it up I could feel something inside of it jump. This caused me some dismay so I threw it to the ground. There had been a mouse inside, and now being on the outside, it was dead. I have no recollection why I was picking it up in the first place.
Possessions are Fleeting, but Their Impressions Endure
I was given my first bicycle when I was about 10. It was sparkle blue with powder coated silver mag rims. I was very pleased by this bicycle. It disappeared at some point, never to be mentioned again.
Loneliness is Thwarted by Imagination
I was very fond of building structures with construction toys. I would spend hours playing around those structures with cars and toy soldiers.
We Lose Track of Even the Most Daring of Personal Achievements
I once jumped out of an airplane 6 times. I may have actually done that one more time, in recollection.
Being Loud is Useful in Some Applications
I have yelled at many things in the wilderness. This is a discrete list: a deer, rattle snakes, a king snake, a coral snake ( I could not tell the last two apart, but I have yelled at one of each), water moccasins, a badger, a brown bear, a cougar (that may have been something less bold than a yell), a big horned sheep, several aggressive pitbulls, and a barracuda (that was not so loud, as I was underwater). It must be noted that I was about to collide with the deer, and it looked rather shifty.
Why I would not Advise You to Learn to Skate After Age 18
When I was 20 and in the military, I wanted to teach myself to skateboard. In attempting to learn the rudimentary trick called the ollie, I dislocated my shoulder on the sharp edge of a curb. I had to reduce the dislocation myself as the men watching me simply silently stared.
Some Things are Better Investigated Before One Yells Out Loudly
I once spent the night alone in a sea turtle research facility. I was on the coast, but surrounded by jungle. The windows were mesh. As the sun set, an incessant loud rustle ensued outside my mesh window. Of all the animals I have yelled at, it sounded about the size of a brown bear. Wanting to put my nerves at rest, I went out with a flashlight to scare the beast off. It was a tapir, which is the animal that most resembles a puppeteer’s version of Whinnie the Pooh. I think I also maybe stepped on a turtle egg, but I am not sure.
If you Hated Everything about Texas, You weren’t Trying
One of the few good things about being stationed in Texas was jumping off a cliff into a warm slow river. Another good thing was seeing blues bands in Austin. Another was seeing a grave of a civil war veteran, in a country grave yard, with no fanfare or plaques of condemnation or praise.
You Can’t be Sure What Will Hatch from that Egg
One of my close childhood friends went to seminary and became a sheriff. Another sold speed and committed a felony as an adult. The third quietly lives in Texas with his wife. If he breaks the law, he has not been caught. Do not mistake the fact that he is still, in principal, a scofflaw.
Don’t Point a Gun at Something, Unless you Actually Intend to Shoot That Something
I was playing with a BB gun and shot a humming bird. This is not easy to do. I was overcome with remorse. In a later incident I shot an uncategorized grey bird with a shotgun. It, of course, died from the shock of it all. Again I felt remorseful. I have not killed a bird since then.
It is Easier to Shoot Something by Accident than to Kill it on Purpose
One day I found a jay with a broken wing. It was in obvious pain, and on the threshold of death’s door. The right thing would have been to quickly wring its neck. After shooting a hummingbird, I could not bring myself to do it. I found a coworker who had been raised on a farm and asked him to kill the bird. This he did.
When I was 12, a very young man, I came upon a discarded brown beer bottle. When I picked it up I could feel something inside of it jump. This caused me some dismay so I threw it to the ground. There had been a mouse inside, and now being on the outside, it was dead. I have no recollection why I was picking it up in the first place.
Possessions are Fleeting, but Their Impressions Endure
I was given my first bicycle when I was about 10. It was sparkle blue with powder coated silver mag rims. I was very pleased by this bicycle. It disappeared at some point, never to be mentioned again.
Loneliness is Thwarted by Imagination
I was very fond of building structures with construction toys. I would spend hours playing around those structures with cars and toy soldiers.
We Lose Track of Even the Most Daring of Personal Achievements
I once jumped out of an airplane 6 times. I may have actually done that one more time, in recollection.
Being Loud is Useful in Some Applications
I have yelled at many things in the wilderness. This is a discrete list: a deer, rattle snakes, a king snake, a coral snake ( I could not tell the last two apart, but I have yelled at one of each), water moccasins, a badger, a brown bear, a cougar (that may have been something less bold than a yell), a big horned sheep, several aggressive pitbulls, and a barracuda (that was not so loud, as I was underwater). It must be noted that I was about to collide with the deer, and it looked rather shifty.
Why I would not Advise You to Learn to Skate After Age 18
When I was 20 and in the military, I wanted to teach myself to skateboard. In attempting to learn the rudimentary trick called the ollie, I dislocated my shoulder on the sharp edge of a curb. I had to reduce the dislocation myself as the men watching me simply silently stared.
Some Things are Better Investigated Before One Yells Out Loudly
I once spent the night alone in a sea turtle research facility. I was on the coast, but surrounded by jungle. The windows were mesh. As the sun set, an incessant loud rustle ensued outside my mesh window. Of all the animals I have yelled at, it sounded about the size of a brown bear. Wanting to put my nerves at rest, I went out with a flashlight to scare the beast off. It was a tapir, which is the animal that most resembles a puppeteer’s version of Whinnie the Pooh. I think I also maybe stepped on a turtle egg, but I am not sure.
If you Hated Everything about Texas, You weren’t Trying
One of the few good things about being stationed in Texas was jumping off a cliff into a warm slow river. Another good thing was seeing blues bands in Austin. Another was seeing a grave of a civil war veteran, in a country grave yard, with no fanfare or plaques of condemnation or praise.
You Can’t be Sure What Will Hatch from that Egg
One of my close childhood friends went to seminary and became a sheriff. Another sold speed and committed a felony as an adult. The third quietly lives in Texas with his wife. If he breaks the law, he has not been caught. Do not mistake the fact that he is still, in principal, a scofflaw.
Don’t Point a Gun at Something, Unless you Actually Intend to Shoot That Something
I was playing with a BB gun and shot a humming bird. This is not easy to do. I was overcome with remorse. In a later incident I shot an uncategorized grey bird with a shotgun. It, of course, died from the shock of it all. Again I felt remorseful. I have not killed a bird since then.
It is Easier to Shoot Something by Accident than to Kill it on Purpose
One day I found a jay with a broken wing. It was in obvious pain, and on the threshold of death’s door. The right thing would have been to quickly wring its neck. After shooting a hummingbird, I could not bring myself to do it. I found a coworker who had been raised on a farm and asked him to kill the bird. This he did.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
This Hull of Eden's Garden
the long dead arboreal corpses litter the earth
no place to place this body, no home or kin
everyone faces the executioners wall in the end
a bullet, cancer, automotive carnage
all are unimportant once you have passed on
but what there is to fear is the slow decay on disuse
the acceptance of your social divorce
to be the shadow lurking at the edges of the gay throng
hollow and despised is no way to spend one's scant days
the earth drains the warmth from my feet
the wind blows from the East, brittle cold on my face
the fire is flickering, so I stoke it with a blow torch
I cannot break from the season, though I try
but my mind is only shackled by Winter if I am weak
I struggle not just to be alive, but to understand the mode of this life
domesticated animal, mechanical work drone, raving criminal
I debate this habitually
will I be steel, water, wind, or light
not light, intangible and warm is not my being
maybe water, water has persistence and dynamism. I am not patient yet, but I can take the many forms of solid, liquid, gas
not wind, bluster but no substance. wind is worse than light for me
steel sounds glorious: rigid, cold, useful, damaging in the wrong hands, incumbent on technology.
sadly steel is prone to dissipation at the hands of persistent water
you have to choose a way or be subject to the erratic whims of flux.
The earth is cold and littered with tiny little corpses
no one mourns and nothing changes for these dead
only the living have a hope at change.
but so little is seen with this paltry world blinding us daily.
no place to place this body, no home or kin
everyone faces the executioners wall in the end
a bullet, cancer, automotive carnage
all are unimportant once you have passed on
but what there is to fear is the slow decay on disuse
the acceptance of your social divorce
to be the shadow lurking at the edges of the gay throng
hollow and despised is no way to spend one's scant days
the earth drains the warmth from my feet
the wind blows from the East, brittle cold on my face
the fire is flickering, so I stoke it with a blow torch
I cannot break from the season, though I try
but my mind is only shackled by Winter if I am weak
I struggle not just to be alive, but to understand the mode of this life
domesticated animal, mechanical work drone, raving criminal
I debate this habitually
will I be steel, water, wind, or light
not light, intangible and warm is not my being
maybe water, water has persistence and dynamism. I am not patient yet, but I can take the many forms of solid, liquid, gas
not wind, bluster but no substance. wind is worse than light for me
steel sounds glorious: rigid, cold, useful, damaging in the wrong hands, incumbent on technology.
sadly steel is prone to dissipation at the hands of persistent water
you have to choose a way or be subject to the erratic whims of flux.
The earth is cold and littered with tiny little corpses
no one mourns and nothing changes for these dead
only the living have a hope at change.
but so little is seen with this paltry world blinding us daily.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Mother Receeding
The thin membrane
softer than egg shell
more like a soap bubble
holding us in
and keeping the vacuum of space
from devouring us whole
mother of life
we kill you as you give
we steal more and more
not knowing the cost
not counting the risk
We see that you are getting gaunt
and a little frail
but none of us can keep you
heal you
prevent you from slipping away
into nothing
softer than egg shell
more like a soap bubble
holding us in
and keeping the vacuum of space
from devouring us whole
mother of life
we kill you as you give
we steal more and more
not knowing the cost
not counting the risk
We see that you are getting gaunt
and a little frail
but none of us can keep you
heal you
prevent you from slipping away
into nothing
Sunday, October 9, 2011
The New Fundamentalism
Let us begin a new Christian fundamentalism.
a fundamentalism striped down, raw and lean
ready to take to the streets and hearts
With pragmatic compassion over dogma, focused on proscribing a good life
rather than demeaning people through restrictive moral codes
One: There is something bigger than me. Live according to what this implies.
Two: A divinity that cares about me personally, as a parent to a child, does not imply I am an equal to God.
Three: My personal relationship does not trump yours.
Four: God is greater than any individual or organization. The only correct attitude in relationship to this is humility laced with gratitude.
Five: The positive uplifting parts of faith are the best parts to live by, so more compassion and less damning
Six: If you condemn people for failing to meet moral standards, you need to take a hard look at what is wrong with you, and fix it.
Condemnation by equals, brothers and sisters, leads to despair. I do not see any value in exerting my religion in such a way as to alienate a fellow human.
Seven: It is not a contradiction to believe in the death penalty, pro-life politics, and forgiveness. However, if you cannot explain it to someone in such a way that they can understand it, you would better serve your cause by abstaining from the conversation.
eight: Individuals that identify as gay are your brothers and sisters.
nine: Individuals from overseas that are seeking work in your country are brothers and sisters.
ten: If you are following your faith, put aside your political views that dehumanize brothers and sisters.
eleven: If you are not making things better for someone in need, then at least don't make things worse through words, actions, or the cult of politics.
twelve: It is patently wrong to make someone feel like crap to make a theological or political point.
thirteen: Science and religion are two different things. Don't confuse yourself by explaining your faith through science. You weaken your argument and debase the power of faith.
Few people care about your ideology, so do something helpful with your faith instead of espousing it.
fourteen: You cannot convert anyone to the faith. That is arrogant and debases the personal integration between the divine and the mortal experience.
fifteen: Not one word you can say can explain God.
sixteen: All people of faith are under attack. Treat anyone of a positive faith tradition as a fellow pilgrim. There are already enough people to degrade us collectively for having faith in the intangible essence of our existence, don't make things worse through internecine theological wars.
seventeen: It is great to explain to people why you have faith, but stop trying to convert people. God is much better at it than you, and you are making things worse most of the time.
eighteen: Faith is about the daily application of the eternal.
nineteen: Faith supersedes political and social issues, even really important ones.
twenty: If you hate someone because of their politics, religion, sexual orientation, or immigration status, you are belittling your faith.
twenty one: try to find at least one person to share your life struggles with. being disconnected creates an arid spirituality.
twenty two: you do not need to let social whims change your faith tradition. That is not the point here. However, you need to separate the illuminating aspects of your tradition with any dehumanizing aspects of your faith communities behavior.
twenty three: You will know you are practicing your faith in accordance with these principals when people ask you why you always seem to have it all figured out.
a fundamentalism striped down, raw and lean
ready to take to the streets and hearts
With pragmatic compassion over dogma, focused on proscribing a good life
rather than demeaning people through restrictive moral codes
One: There is something bigger than me. Live according to what this implies.
Two: A divinity that cares about me personally, as a parent to a child, does not imply I am an equal to God.
Three: My personal relationship does not trump yours.
Four: God is greater than any individual or organization. The only correct attitude in relationship to this is humility laced with gratitude.
Five: The positive uplifting parts of faith are the best parts to live by, so more compassion and less damning
Six: If you condemn people for failing to meet moral standards, you need to take a hard look at what is wrong with you, and fix it.
Condemnation by equals, brothers and sisters, leads to despair. I do not see any value in exerting my religion in such a way as to alienate a fellow human.
Seven: It is not a contradiction to believe in the death penalty, pro-life politics, and forgiveness. However, if you cannot explain it to someone in such a way that they can understand it, you would better serve your cause by abstaining from the conversation.
eight: Individuals that identify as gay are your brothers and sisters.
nine: Individuals from overseas that are seeking work in your country are brothers and sisters.
ten: If you are following your faith, put aside your political views that dehumanize brothers and sisters.
eleven: If you are not making things better for someone in need, then at least don't make things worse through words, actions, or the cult of politics.
twelve: It is patently wrong to make someone feel like crap to make a theological or political point.
thirteen: Science and religion are two different things. Don't confuse yourself by explaining your faith through science. You weaken your argument and debase the power of faith.
Few people care about your ideology, so do something helpful with your faith instead of espousing it.
fourteen: You cannot convert anyone to the faith. That is arrogant and debases the personal integration between the divine and the mortal experience.
fifteen: Not one word you can say can explain God.
sixteen: All people of faith are under attack. Treat anyone of a positive faith tradition as a fellow pilgrim. There are already enough people to degrade us collectively for having faith in the intangible essence of our existence, don't make things worse through internecine theological wars.
seventeen: It is great to explain to people why you have faith, but stop trying to convert people. God is much better at it than you, and you are making things worse most of the time.
eighteen: Faith is about the daily application of the eternal.
nineteen: Faith supersedes political and social issues, even really important ones.
twenty: If you hate someone because of their politics, religion, sexual orientation, or immigration status, you are belittling your faith.
twenty one: try to find at least one person to share your life struggles with. being disconnected creates an arid spirituality.
twenty two: you do not need to let social whims change your faith tradition. That is not the point here. However, you need to separate the illuminating aspects of your tradition with any dehumanizing aspects of your faith communities behavior.
twenty three: You will know you are practicing your faith in accordance with these principals when people ask you why you always seem to have it all figured out.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Renewing Life
In proximity of the old volcano
I persist
being eaten by fatigue
until it devours me
oblivion of concerns
anxiety melting and
burn off the career
tearing out the cancer of failed love
money is not a thought
, anymore
a focus on simple existence
a new suffering
of my choosing
a distance at a time
painstakingly covering ground
a bump, a washboard,
the catwalk
bounded a precipitous fall
water rushes below my feet
and the mountain emerges from the clouds
as I emerge from the woods anew
I pause looking at simple nature
hearing the silence around
this is the end of summer
I persist
being eaten by fatigue
until it devours me
oblivion of concerns
anxiety melting and
burn off the career
tearing out the cancer of failed love
money is not a thought
, anymore
a focus on simple existence
a new suffering
of my choosing
a distance at a time
painstakingly covering ground
a bump, a washboard,
the catwalk
bounded a precipitous fall
water rushes below my feet
and the mountain emerges from the clouds
as I emerge from the woods anew
I pause looking at simple nature
hearing the silence around
this is the end of summer
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The Beckoning Rock
Never in my life have I understood Bob Dylan
Until I stood humbly at the base of this monolith
His cadence and tone and words urge me to climb
Climb with urgency, climb thoughtfully
Someone has died here, witness the shrine
Move upwards into that volcanic core
And let those serpentine rails sport
the endless freight trains below
And a stone strikes me, painfully, in the chest
The foot that loosed it far above unseen
I am through the barrier of worlds
and must ascend to get back to Earth
There is no down that is not fueled by failure and pain
The Gorge slowly reveals itself to us
Secrets of the elk grazing on Pierce Island
the lengthening of shadows as time passes to evening
Cracks in stone vary in width
some accepting only a finger and thumb
others demand a commitment of your whole body
an envelopment of stone I find comforting
inchworming between basalt teats
and emerging to the trusted person holding my life line
I come to a corner, where all I can perceive is air
and fear and falling
and the failings of weakness this brings
I practice the disciple of rock zen
I cast aside many weedy thoughts
focus on essential small things
the place for the hand
a suggestion of friction for the foot
This approach always provides success
unless you fall, of course
The clouds pinkening until bats come out
black erratic blurs to the East
we climb into the dark, 400 feet above Dylan's rails
at a point we no longer need to hurry
it cannot get any darker
and then, we are done
We walk gingerly barefoot in the dark
down a trail empty of all, even the ghosts
and we pause only to view the silver stream of moonlight
spilt diagonally across the Columbia
Jim provides the final wisdom
Exhilaration and fear originate from the same experience,
the same adrenaline, the same person
they are only differentiated by intention and perspective
Until I stood humbly at the base of this monolith
His cadence and tone and words urge me to climb
Climb with urgency, climb thoughtfully
Someone has died here, witness the shrine
Move upwards into that volcanic core
And let those serpentine rails sport
the endless freight trains below
And a stone strikes me, painfully, in the chest
The foot that loosed it far above unseen
I am through the barrier of worlds
and must ascend to get back to Earth
There is no down that is not fueled by failure and pain
The Gorge slowly reveals itself to us
Secrets of the elk grazing on Pierce Island
the lengthening of shadows as time passes to evening
Cracks in stone vary in width
some accepting only a finger and thumb
others demand a commitment of your whole body
an envelopment of stone I find comforting
inchworming between basalt teats
and emerging to the trusted person holding my life line
I come to a corner, where all I can perceive is air
and fear and falling
and the failings of weakness this brings
I practice the disciple of rock zen
I cast aside many weedy thoughts
focus on essential small things
the place for the hand
a suggestion of friction for the foot
This approach always provides success
unless you fall, of course
The clouds pinkening until bats come out
black erratic blurs to the East
we climb into the dark, 400 feet above Dylan's rails
at a point we no longer need to hurry
it cannot get any darker
and then, we are done
We walk gingerly barefoot in the dark
down a trail empty of all, even the ghosts
and we pause only to view the silver stream of moonlight
spilt diagonally across the Columbia
Jim provides the final wisdom
Exhilaration and fear originate from the same experience,
the same adrenaline, the same person
they are only differentiated by intention and perspective
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